Online dating is far from new, dating apps have been dominating the dating scene for roughly a decade now, but has it actually made dating easier like many dating sites promise?
Well, we spoke to a handful of people who have shared their experiences of online dating. We got their best dating stories, their nightmare stories, and if they think that online dating has actually made things easier or more difficult.
K – (24F)
Dating apps have been a constant in my life since I left college. As someone born in 2001, it seems that dating apps are unfortunately the only way to meet new people. I went straight from college to full time work, so as the youngest person in my workplace, surrounded by people who were old enough to be my parents and grandparents, it wasn’t exactly a breeding ground for a relationship.
To begin with, dating apps were scary, I wanted to have a relationship but the thought of talking to a stranger and then meeting that stranger was terrifying. Before any dates or meet ups with people I met, I would message someone close to me with the details of my date; the time, location and who I was going out with, all to make sure that if something happened to me, my friends and family knew. I used dating apps for years before I went on a date with someone I met on there, which means at the age of 23 I finally went on my first dating app date.
But before I went on my first dating app date, I had to slog through what felt like hundreds of people, people that I wasn’t interested in, people that matched with me but never messaged me or replied to my messages, and people who just wanted sex, which personally is something that doesn’t interest me. My private messages would be filled with disgusting pick up lines, lazy, half assed messages, or left on read. It seemed that no matter who I matched with or that I messaged them first, the idea of chatting or dating wasn’t what they wanted from dating apps.
I may sound very negative, but I have had a few good experiences with dating apps. I recently started talking with a guy that wanted a casual relationship and when he noticed I wasn’t looking for that, he was completely honest about what he wanted, so not to lead me on. We’ve met up a few times, as friends, and have built a pretty good friendship. I also recently started speaking with a few lovely guys that have ended with some easy dates, I don’t know where these will go but it restores my faith in the apps a little each time.
So, to me, dating apps are just a means to an end, an exhausting, self-deprecating, time consuming and self esteem shattering means to an end. Where I will download multiple apps and be consistent for them to eventually get bored or feel a little worthless and delete them, only to redownload them in a few weeks because I process that this is really the only way to meet people in modern times.
Best Date:
We had been talking consistently for weeks, so going on a date was almost expected. We did something simple, a coffee and a walk through some local markets. He insisted he buy my coffee, even after I said it was okay, and we walked to the markets. We ended up sitting in the sun for two hours just talking, I have never been on a date where the other person asked so many questions about me and was happy and open to answer my questions. He eventually walked me back to my car and we went on a few more dates afterwards, but unfortunately, he ended up ghosting me multiple times so I thought it would be best to end anything we had.
Worst Date:
We went for coffee on the other side of town, close to where he lived. To start with he was super arrogant and kind of mean, but I sat through it, maybe he was nervous. He also didn’t pay for my coffee, which isn’t a huge thing, but he didn’t even offer, just went straight to the counter to order for himself and went and sat down. We chatted for a while, he kept mentioning that his place was “just around the corner” and that we should go and watch a YouTube video he had been talking about the entire date, all of this at 10 in the morning.
I was still new to dating and naive and didn’t really feel comfortable saying no, so when he said we should go for a drive, I just said yes. He eventually drove us to his house, but I refused to go inside so he got his phone out and played the video he’d been talking about, we sat there in silence for way too long before he eventually drove me back to my car. This is when he locked me in his car with him so he could keep talking at me, I started sweating and getting very anxious and he must have noticed because he eventually unlocked the doors, and I jumped out and got into my car. Obviously, we didn’t meet up again.
A – (43M)
I’ve used dating apps on and off since I was around the age of 30. I’ve been looking for a serious long-term partner and boring as it may seem, I have never used dating apps as a means to find anything less than that. Along the way, I’ve met some really cool people, and some not so cool.
I’ve tried Tinder, Bumble and Hinge with varying results. I’ve found that Hinge is far and away the best for what I’m looking for in the dating world, as it seems to lean towards the more serious side of things where you have no choice but to load multiple photos and answer several questions about yourself. As someone who is on the shorter and balder side of things, it can be much the same as being at a bar back in the day, ruled out immediately, but we all have our types that we prefer.
As you can tell, I have my insecurities, and find dating on the apps to be an anxious experience, constantly wondering if they’re not telling me things and worrying that I might not be who they are hoping for. I feel stuck somewhere between putting my best foot forward and not wanting to oversell myself leading to disappointment for them. I’m an overthinker and dating apps are not a great place for over thinkers.
I think it’s important in any age group, but probably even more so as you get to mine, not to waste anyone’s time, or let anyone waste yours, as the clock is ticking on finding that someone that you want to spend your life with. One Summer, I spoke to someone over the app virtually every night. Plans to meet in person fell through a few times, before mid-conversation one night, I was suddenly unmatched with zero explanation. It was a strange feeling where you can’t help but wonder what changed. It doesn’t cost anything to be kind and I think that’s very important on the apps.
Worst Date:
I haven’t really had any dates that I would consider downright horrible in comparison to others, but it’s probably the one where she was significantly late, rude virtually the entire time to myself and the café staff and not in any way the person that I thought I was meeting based on our conversation or the way she portrayed herself though her profile. She messaged me asking again where we were meeting 15 minutes after we already supposed to be there, then arrived 30 minutes later, despite living only 10 minutes away and then offered up no excuse before being unpleasant virtually the entire time, to the point where I wondered if someone else was writing her messages for her. To the surprise of no one, there was no second date.
Best Date:
I had two very nice casual dates at the same venue a couple of months apart. The first was for an afternoon drink that ended up with us staying for 3 hours before we headed our separate ways for the evening. We had plenty of laughs and as she left, she made it abundantly clear that she would like to see me again. The second date with her just as good, except it was at a pub by the water. While it fizzled out shortly after, I look back on it fondly.
The other date from the original venue was for a coffee, where we laughed almost the whole time and never felt uncomfortable. While the romantic side of things fizzled out after a few months, we remain friends to this day. These may not sound very exciting, but I can’t fault either experience.
J – (26F)
Online dating on the surface looks promising, at least, that was my initial thought when I first signed up for the apps. How great – you get to meet new people in your area, and they’re looking to date too. As someone who has had less than ideal experiences with men in the real world, maybe online dating could help me connect with someone more thoughtfully, without rushing into anything. I first signed up for Tinder but deleted the app soon after. The messages I received and lack of genuine connection left me running for the hills. At that time, I was having better luck meeting people organically, friends of friends. Once I finished college, moved out of my childhood home and got myself a great new job, I decided to rejoin the apps. Signing up for both Hinge and Bumble. Bumble was great in some ways, but I didn’t always feel like starting every conversation. I also had an awkward situation on the app when I swiped right on someone from work – I didn’t realise he worked there as I was new! We ended up just having an in-person conversation where I explained I was new and had a personal rule about not dating people at work. He was kind and respectful, but it was still damn awkward when we were on night shift together.
I have preferred Hinge over the years; it was great being able to see a more detailed profile. What someone is looking for, if they smoke or drink, if they have kids etc. It felt like a place where I could make more genuine connections and swipe right on people who had similar values or lifestyle. I’ve honestly always liked being single and never been interested in casual dating. I go into dating apps with the mindset of “let’s see if I meet someone nice, but if not, I’m all good”. Over the years, I’ve met some wonderful people on Hinge and reconnected with people. However, due to my past experiences, fears of intimacy and the thought of sometimes meeting a stranger, things never progressed beyond the talking stage. Maybe online dating wasn’t the fix-all or the easier path to connection that I had hoped for. Despite the possibilities it offered, it didn’t ease my fears or make dating any easier.
Beyond my own experience, I can see how online dating is changing the culture around connection. It feels there is so much choice, and with that often comes less effort. Conversations fizzle out. People ghost one another. You’re left wondering if it was ever real, if it was something about you, or if they just swiped right on someone else. It’s much easier to do these things behind a screen — I’ll admit, I’ve even ghosted people in the past. This cycle of starting conversations and emotionally investing in someone only to have them fizzle out or end without explanation can be exhausting. Yes, it opens doors to meeting people outside your usual circles but can also make dating feel transactional and fleeting. I know online dating can have success stories though. My cousin met her husband on Bumble. They have been together for almost a decade and have two beautiful daughters. Stories like this and many others remind me there is potential. But personally, dating apps haven’t been the best match for me. I’ve signed off from the apps for the foreseeable future. I’d much rather reinvest that time and energy into myself. I’ve recently moved from my hometown, away from my family for the first time, studying and working in a new job I love. I’ve been meeting new people all the time. Connecting with so many different people has made me realise that I prefer to build relationships organically, whether that’s friendship or something more.
J – (27M)
I’ve used dating sites in between relationships since I left high school, and only twice has the app connected me with someone where it evolved into something more and we began seeing each other frequently. Outside of that, online dating has been an absolute slog of being ghosted, insulted over my appearance, straight-up ignored after matching, and awkward first dates. I get maybe a match or two a week if I’m on the apps every day, and maybe one in two actually sparks an engaging conversation.
All of the major relationships in my life started from organically meeting someone, but I’m not completely against the apps. I do think apps are great for reconnecting people who’ve already met or kinda know each other, and it allows them to start chatting about dating in an easier way. Starting completely new relationships online is like pulling teeth, and when the expectation from the get-go is romance, it becomes so much more difficult. Going on first dates and expecting immediate romantic feelings after two hours over coffee or dinner is not something I personally am capable of — I need more time. Yet I know so many people who call it quits after one date, even when there were no red flags and your interests aligned very well, but they just didn’t “feel anything.”
It’s not all bad — I’ve met some very sweet and amazing people online and have developed solid friendships. And even though none of them developed into relationships, I’ve had some great dates from online dating. But oh yeah, in between all the good dates are many bad dates — some of which I will absolutely own up to. I also would’ve been a bad date for some others when things didn’t gel in person like they did online.
Worst Date:
We went out for dinner at a wine bar close by to where we both lived. I waited out the front, and when they arrived they were already visibly tipsy and slurring their words. We’d been talking for a week online, and about five minutes after we sat down, they stopped talking, started shaking and quietly cried as they told me they had been dumped from a five-year relationship the week before. I immediately told them this was too soon for them to be dating and they should go home. They refused and ordered some wine. After a 60-minute therapy session on why their relationship didn’t work out, I mentioned I needed to leave for an early start in the morning. They let me know their plan was to walk home, and at this point I was worried they wouldn’t make it home. I helped walk them home, and when we got to their door they, very nicely, asked if I wanted to come upstairs. I politely declined and said I had something urgent at home to take care of. They then collapsed at the doorstep in tears and embarrassment calling me a liar. I did my best to calm them down and tell them it’s okay, and that they should get some food and go to bed. The following morning, to no surprise, I found they had unmatched with me online.
Best Date:
I was sat in the city waiting for my date — the plan was to get coffee and go book shopping, as we’d connected over chatting about our favourite books. Just before they arrived, a friend called me to inform me that a beloved pet of hers, that I was very close to, had died that morning. I admittedly was shedding a tear or two when my date arrived. Despite my tears, they didn’t run away and they did ask me what had happened. I informed them, and they were very kind — and as awful as it may be to say this, it was a good ice breaker. We got coffee, talked childhood pets, and what other worse ways there are to start dates besides meeting your date crying. We went to a handful of bookstores where we got a book at each one. At the last store, we decided to pick a book for each other based on what we thought they’d like from our chat about books. We continued to go out for an extra few months after that.
